My Voice: The Hiatus

I find myself unable to blog because I don't want to write about anything until I've finished recounting this story.

I find myself unable to properly recount this story because I feel I can't put it into words worthy of what actually happened. I don't want to tell this tale and diminish or minimize any of it; my purpose in writing this is because My Voice is diminished and minimized excessively, on a daily basis. This is the only place I feel I can be heard and heard properly... and that's mostly because I don't expect anyone but myself to read it [most others can hear the words but take them and add their own thought to diminish and minimize My Voice].

I am forcing myself to let this story go, though. Not forever, but definitely for now. I am getting caught up in it and I realize this is a task I can never succeed at. I will never be able to put into words all of the difficulty and hurt I went through. I will never be able to properly express how much I put myself down and I allowed others to villianize me for the sake of the "greater good." I will never accurately explain the weight and gravity of the sacrifices I made and hardships I willingly invited into my life for the duration of over a year. I do feel I can express the frustration I felt that mounted steadily over time, but I can still feel remnants of bile at the back of my throat and I try to never speak through bile. Already my frustration has been minimized and discredited time and time again because people are unable to see past ONE perspective. When I do share My Voice on this part of the tale, I want it to be purely fact. I will speak objectively without any personal feelings colouring anything said. I know through experience that still doesn't help much if people are unable to also be objective and step away from their own thoughts and beliefs, but I refuse to give added reason for them to be closed-minded.

So, for now, the story rests. I will come back to it when I feel better able. There are a number of drafts to each chapter already in the works, so I will continue to return to those now and again. When it is ready, it will all be posted.

Now, on to the myriad of other things on my mind these days...