Ignorance is not bliss... it's annoying!

I have always had really high standards for myself & for the people close to me. Part of having high standards for myself is being really self-aware and bringing myself to account at all times... I need to know if I'm fucking up so I can know how to fix it. So, naturally, my high standards for others involves them also being aware & honest about their faults. But I slowly have less and less faith in people's ability to do so.

I can't explain how frustrating it is to see people make so many mistakes or just be completely lost in their lives and not only deny it but JUSTIFY it or project their issues onto others. How dare you come at me with all your issues and act like I need to fix myself? You're telling me I need to adjust my actions and my standards to accommodate your fucked up behaviours? Make shit easier for you....? ! Get the fuck outta here! Sure I can do that, but best believe you won't be around for very long.

People are just so completely unable to look at themselves and realize when they're acting inappropriately or inconsiderately. These are the people who ALWAYS seem to have some drama with someone, yet can't ever stop to acknowledge that they might be the common denominator. These are the people who respond to any constructive criticism as insult or an attack, with defiance or passive-aggressive reactions rather than humble reflection. These are the people you feel like you're walking on eggshells around because you worry you can't ever have a mature, calm conversation but rather have to strategize exactly how to word things to get the least explosive reaction.

These are the people I want nowhere near me, truthfully speaking.

Lots of people have great qualities. Really nice. Friendly. Hilarious. Generous. Intellectual. This, that and the other. But the closer I get with people, the more I get to know them on deeper levels and the more I start to despise them. Its much healthier for a lot of my relationships for me to just keep my distance. The less I know about you the better. Cuz if you act like a douchebag I'm gonna get annoyed by you. If you act like a douchebag but then are unable to make restitution for your faults or you project everything onto everyone else... I will straight resent and lose all respect for you. So rather than see your douchebagism, I will keep my distance. It's best for both of us.

I'm just tired of people. I was much happier before when I was very aware of who and what I was letting into my life. In the last couple years, I've allowed a lot of negative situations to affect me for various reasons. It was a conscious decision but I will definitely say it was a mistake. Nothing I regret because I do love my life and I know my experiences got me where I am. But I was nowhere near this angry nor cynical before I allowed these negative situations to affect me and that's something I do not like.

Now that I'm distancing myself from this negativity, I'm working on getting the happy, optimistic Khadija back. But its hard - I'm jaded so I'm impatient. Can't undo that, I guess. D'ahhh well.