Being A Robot 101

Being an emotionless drone is... actually much more difficult than it may appear to be. There are a few keys to being a robot that will make your robot life a successful one.


#1 -- control your emotions

This may be the most important part of being a robot. Contrary to popular belief, being a robot doesn't mean having no emotions. It means compartmentalizing and controlling your emotions rather than allowing them to control you. In a lot of instances, what you will end up doing is simply burying or minimalizing the emotions you do have. Remove the power they have over you, your words and your actions then simply set them aside.

#2 -- get on your logical/rational game

Now that you are all detached from your emotions, spend exorbitant amounts of time analyzing them. Put them in their little glass cases and study them. Isolate the variables surrounding them to identify what causes certain reactions. Introduce new scenarios to see how reactions change. Determine the root source of each emotion. Engage in immersion therapy, allowing yourself to experience the full gamut and training yourself to identify and address each emotion as quickly and effectively as possible. Rationally play through scenarios [both real and invented] to train your emotions, limit how and when they emerge, etc.

#3 -- be prepared for total meltdown

This is, without a doubt, the most difficult part of being a robot. With all this work you put into controlling and limiting your emotions, you may feel disillusioned or discouraged at signs of humanity within you. Things will happen, though. Situations will arise that will cause emotional responses in you that are out of your control. When these things happen, do not get overwhelmed by the feelings. Do not feel like you have failed yourself by succumbing to emotions. Do not hate yourself for having emotional reactions [that you will, most likely, regret a day (or even minutes) later]. Just remember and understand that you are human. No matter how hard you try, you will always be human. The key is to take these emotional meltdowns and use them as case studies. As soon as you are able, get back on your logical/rational game and repair any damage done. Then take the meltdown you just had and compartmentalize it. Analyze it. Learn from it. Then move the fuck on.

#4 -- move the fuck on

I'm not gonna break this one down. The largest fault of humans is the inability to let shit go and move the fuck on. Learn how to do that, sooner rather than later, and you will be set.